Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize