He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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