K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
