So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
