Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I need water and some morals
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
