So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
