Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
