know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
