he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
