I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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