that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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