My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
