I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize