Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
