i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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