we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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