I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
