My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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