dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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