I just cut my nipple shaving
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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