WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
