You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
