I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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