Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
