I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize