zippers are such a cool invention
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
