this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize