i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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