If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just want to make out with him forever
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
