Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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