So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize