I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
