i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
