It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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