no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
