The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
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