please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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