Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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