i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize