last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
