Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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