she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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