and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
