You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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