Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
