The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
