ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Randomize
