Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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