is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Randomize
