they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
