Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize