Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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