I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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