you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You smell like stripper and shame
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
