If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
