very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
