She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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