She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
