he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize