I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
