She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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