So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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