I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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