Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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