Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
