I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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