im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize