i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
