Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
