They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she peed on how many people?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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