Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
