Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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