Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Actions speak louder than pants.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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