There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
