A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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