Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
