i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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