Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize