Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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