why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
