had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
