we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
