things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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