Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
