i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
