I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
