you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
