I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
