Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
