youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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