ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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