So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So vagazzling was a success
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