8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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