There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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