Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
