I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
