is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
