Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
