I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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