Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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