...so i touched it.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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