I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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