ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
