took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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