Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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