I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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